Wednesday, 12 October 2011

This time I DO have a good excuse!

I've not done too well so far with keeping current on my blog.  I'm by nature a 'real book' person.  By that I mean, I never really got on with electronic organizers, I'd rather write in a filofax.  I don't really enjoy reading books on-line or on any 'device' - I'd rather have strokable, turnable pages, that I can mark with real pens and I never really took to the blog, I'd rather journal and glue my ticket stubs somewhere, so I've had a real challenge even trying to remember sometimes I have a blog!  For anyone that is patient enough to actually follow me, I'm sorry.
Anyway, now I do finally have something to write about.  Is that a good thing?  I guess we can only answer that with the wisdom of being able to see the 'big picture' or with hindsight.
I found out on Thursday 6th October that I have Breast Cancer!
Now anybody that knows me, would tell you that I'm a born pessimist and a bit of a panicer, so you'd imagine that I'd be beside myself with worry or grief or something?  So far that hasn't happened.  Maybe this is so big my head has shut down?  I really don't know?  I feel sometimes like a bit of a fraud when I say "I have cancer".  I think: "That's a bit dramatic" like I just made it up or something, then I have to remind myself it actually IS true!
I have an MRI scan on Thursday this week, to determine how big and deep this thing is and also whether or not it's spread.  I'm guessing once I find out and then have surgery of some kind and start treatment, somewhere along the line the reality of this nightmare may sink in?  For today it hasn't yet.  I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not?
Anyway, as you see, my blog has taken one of those unexpected crossroads in life and I guess this will be focused a lot on my journey with cancer.
Just for Today, Thankfully I still feel well and I've made a journal (a real strokable one!) to art and write and scream, cry, celebrate - whatever, the days ahead.  I'm planning to be sharing that journey, as much as I'm able, here also.
Hang around, say Hi, share the ride, pick me up when I fall, I'd value the friendship. Let's not face this world alone.
And so begins - My journey with Cancer........


  1. I can only image how strange and scary it must feel to accept a diagnoses of cancer... but it doesn't define you, or who you are and it never will. You're a such a courageous woman on an unknown journey... I'm sure I won't be the only one wants to support you along the way. Thank you for having the courage to share, you're not alone xox

  2. Your tribe will be with you. You will not be alone.

  3. I once read somewhere that the grammar is important. It goes like "you have cancer, but you are not cancer" - meaning yes, you've got it, but that does not mean that your world reduces to just that. Therefore, your paper journal seems like a good idea to me. And sharing on your blog is a good thing, too - when you feel like doing it. Your readers (I'll add you to my "important blogs-section" in my google reader asap) can sheer you up and hold your hands. There IS a lot of power in this. Do you know Melanie Testa? She got diagnosed at the beginning of this year. She got treatment. Right now, she's teaching in Switzerland (she's from the US). She shared about her journey on her blog and her facebook page - and the support was overwhelming.
    I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, my friend! Another member of your tribe, Frauke